Regrets and Stolen Chances
by Rose235b
Summary: Loki spent his years watching Yrsa grow from an impressionable child into a young woman he wished to spent his life with. But with his father's rule over his life, will his devotion be enough to change his mind? Apparently not. So why not go at it from a different angle? [Previously a series of oneshots, now combined into a multichapter story]
1. Of Love and Regrets

Our tale starts with a young boy. His name, Loki, was yet to be known outside of Asgard, but in the next hundreds of years he'll change the life of residents of every realm. But let's not dwell into this for now.

* * *

Loki looked at his father with curiosity, eagerly listening to his speech. His older brother, Thor, wasn't as interested in what Odin had to say – he'd have a lot of time to learn about this, he supposed as he looked around the room trying to find something to get rid of his boredom.

"Yggdrasil's branches support the nine realms" Odin gestured towards the enormous tree, which instead of leaves consisted of what looked like stars in a mist of colors. Loki breathlessly admired the tree, the light of stars reflecting in his green eyes. "The land of Aesir, our home, Asgard, the realm of elves, Alfheim and the land of Vanir, Vanaheim" The boy's eyes flashed with interest.

"Father?" he turned to Odin. "Isn't mother of Vanir heritage? Why does she live in Asgard?"

"Vanir used to live in Vanaheim while they were at war with us, Aesir. Since the war ended they've lived here alongside us" His father explained, looking down the branches to the middle section of Yggdrasil. "In the middle, as you can see, is Midgard, the realm of mankind. Below Midgard are Nidavellir, the realm of dwarfs, Svartalfheim, the land of dark elves, Jotunheim, the land of frost giants and Muspelheim, the house of fire giants" Odin stared at the later, his gaze focusing on the red agglomeration set the closest to the base of the tree. "The ruts of Yggdrasil emerge into the last realm, Niflheim, the land of dead" Odin turned his gaze from the tree, in turn looking at his children. "One of you is going to protect the realms from chaos and destruction, as the king of Asgard. But to be able to do that, you'll have to know the people of those worlds, know their heritage, purpose, goals. It'll take you years to fully understand all of the realms, but I hope you'll be able to in the future" The Allfather glanced at the tree one more time, before starting to make his way to the throne room. "Meanwhile, I expect you to try your best at learning about at least one of them."

"Yes, father" Loki answered, nudging Thor with his elbow.

"Of course, father" The blonde boy nodded, sighing with relief once Odin was out of sight. "Thank you, Loki. Somehow father's lessons bore me more and more with each passing year."

"I noticed" He rolled his eyes.

"No need to be harsh, brother" Thor pouted. "Would you like to join me in today's training?"

"Thor, you know I don't really enjoy the combat training you and your friends seem to love" Answered the boy, frowning. "I'd rather ask mother if she'd be willing to teach me more of her spells."

"Suit yourself" His brother shrugged, running out to join his comrades.

Loki walked towards his mother's private library, thinking about his father's words. He supposed he should ask mother about Vanaheim.

Lost in thoughts, he opened the door to the library, voicing his request.

"First, Loki, I'd like you to meet Yrsa Fullajarsdottir" Loki looked at the girl to Frigga's right, cursing himself for not noticing her earlier. If he wanted to become a skilled magician in the future he had to sharpen his senses, that's what his mother told him. "Sadly, Fulla got sick, so young Yrsa came here to inform me of this inconvenience. I asked her if she'd like to take a tour of the palace but sadly, I'm unable to give her one myself, so I proposed that _you_ would act as a guide. I hope you have no objections?"

Loki knew his mother well enough to see right through her plan. She always worried about his lack of companions – while Thor spent his days with Sif, Hogun, Volstagg and Fandral, Loki stayed inside studying magic with her.

He put on one of his finest fake smiles and answered.

"I'd love to, mother."

"Marvelous" Frigga laid a kiss on Loki's forehead, the folds of her golden dress hiding Yrsa from his sight long enough for him to convince himself she wasn't there. He remembered how his mother hugged him in front of Thor's friends and they teased him mercilessly for years. Of course he didn't let himself show how it affected him, but he tried to make sure none of his peers were present while his mother showed him affection. "Have fun."

And with that she walked out, leaving him alone with Yrsa.

"My prince" She curtsied, clumsily raising the skirt of her dress enough to be comfortable while doing so.

Loki felt his face get warmer. The only people who addressed him as such were the servants and his father's guests. Unlike Thor, he felt uncomfortable hearing the title, especially from the lips of a girl younger than him.

"No need to call me that, Yrsa. I prefer Loki" He weighted his options. He could be unpleasant and scowl at her throughout the whole tour he was supposed to give, but he knew his mother would be severely disappointed. She spent hours on teaching him how to behave in front of women, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't like to know he was acting like an immature brat. He decided on the second option: being nice and proper, just as it was expected of him.

He offered the girl his arm in a practiced manner, pretending not to notice her blush.

He felt a weird satisfaction out of telling Yrsa about the history of the palace, he took pride in every breathless gasp she let out, amazed by the beauty of his home. He showed her the Yggdrasil, telling her everything he remembered from his father's lesson, smiling at how her curious eyes took everything in, sometimes turning her gaze towards him, as if to make sure it was real.

Next, he showed her the courtyard.

It was a huge mistake, seeing as Thor and his friends were still training.

"Well, look who joined us!" The chubby redhead, Volstagg, put down his sword and chuckled. "Prince Loki himself! And in a presence of a _lady_ none the less!"

"Found yourself a fine maiden, aye?" The blond-haired one, Fandral, joined in, his shield long forgotten on the grass.

Loki felt his cheeks redden, his shoulder blades tensing and his back straightening. He was used to their teasing, but with Yrsa and her admiration of his knowledge he felt more embarrassed than normally.

"Stop it!" Sif let go of her sphere, walking over to the boys. Her long hair seemed almost white in the sun. "I think it's none of your business what Loki does with his beloved."

He almost liked Sif once. Almost.

He felt surrounded and sadly Thor was too occupied with his sparring with Hogun to notice that Loki even appeared in the courtyard.

Surprisingly, it weren't his tormentors that spoke then.

"Let's go, Loki. You said something about the palace library? I'd be honored if you could teach me more about Yggdrasil."

He felt Yrsa tug him back to the palace with an unexpected strength. In his state of shock he let her guide him without a word of protest.

* * *

Loki tried to focus on one of the spells his mother recently showed him, waiting for Yrsa to join him. It became quite obvious that the girl understood him better than anyone. Her hunger for knowledge almost matched his, and thanks to his parents' wisdom he knew enough to teach her about everything she wanted to know.

This morning felt somehow different, though. Yrsa was late.

He heard the door to his mother's library, the only place in the palace with books full of magic spells and enchantments, open with a moan. He quickly turned his gaze towards the doorway, only to sigh when he saw his mother standing there.

"Loki, I'm afraid you won't be able to spend the day with Yrsa. The Allfather wants to give you and Thor another lesson."

"I don't see why Yrsa couldn't join us" He said, straightening his tunic and shutting his books closed. "Actually, I think she'd be delighted to learn alongside us."

Frigga sighed, walking up to her son and getting to her knees to look him in the eyes.

"Love, Yrsa is a daughter of my handmaiden" She brushed his hair from his forehead, smiling sadly. "As much as I'd like for her to be able to attend the lessons with your father, it's not proper. Although Fulla is my dear friend, it doesn't change her status" Loki bit the inside of his cheek before he could voice his opinion on that. Although Fulla was a goddess herself, she was still consider lesser than nobles that frequently visited his father. "I don't like it either, Loki, but that's just how it is. You'll have to get used to this."

* * *

Loki noticed how much Yrsa changed over the decades while nearing his pubescent years.

It was hard not to. Her admiration of him disappeared, replaced by respect. She was still in awe of his abilities, but it wasn't as flattering as her previous wonder.

He appreciated her company and found himself seeking it much more often than the one of his brother. While Thor was busy showing off to the young women wandering inside the palace's grounds, Loki kept searching for more ways to amaze his friend.

Some physical changes also took place. She was nearing his height and her chubby, child-like face slimmed. She started to dress in much more mature gowns with corsets and many ruffles. Although it seemed unpractical to him, she said she preferred them over the old ones though it was harder to run around in them and so Loki searched for more games they could play while sitting in the library.

He didn't notice how much his feelings for her changed until almost a week into their more static games. The moment he figured it out his heart rate got out of control, his palms got sweaty and his face felt as if it was on fire. Yrsa placed her delicate hand on his forehead to check if he wasn't burning up, which only caused the red on his cheeks to deepen. He told her not to worry, but she still voiced her concerns, touching him more often than not, which was absolutely unnecessary while checking if someone was ill.

In the evening he told his mother about it. She merely smiled at him, brushing his hair back and telling him that he will figure out what to do without a problem, before kissing his forehead and blowing out the candles on his bedside table, wishing him a good night.

* * *

"Why isn't it a surprise that I always find you here of all places?"

Loki rose his gaze from one of his textbooks, smiling at his friend.

"As if you don't enjoy learning yourself."

"Yes, I do, once in a while" Yrsa rolled her eyes, sitting down next to him. "But you spend every waking moment here, in the library. Come on, get out of the palace for at least an hour. You'll love it, I swear."

He rolled his eyes but rose himself from his chair, to the delight of his companion.

"Now we just have to make sure you don't come running back here" Yrsa took a hold of his hand and started to walk towards his mother's garden. "Tell me, why do you always hide in here?"

"You know why" His voice got colder. "Thor's comrades don't really enjoy spending time with me."

"But that doesn't mean you should hide in your own home, Loki" She pointed out, maneuvering between the columns. "You're a prince, you shouldn't feel as if you can't walk around the palace freely. It's your right as an Aesir to be free."

"Tell me, how many books on law have you read this week?"

"That's not the point" She looked at him over her shoulder, chuckling. "I read before I go to sleep and when I get bored, not all the time" Yrsa smiled at him. "And although mankind has it's flaws, their literature on law and law enforcement is interesting."

"Whatever you say, _Goddess of Love_."

"It's not love, you fool" She elbowed him. "It's the _Goddess of Joy_. And say what you want, oh, the mighty _God of Mischief_ , with this _silver tongue_ of yours, but I'd take mine over yours any day."

"You're lying and we both know it" Loki smirked. "Don't you remember that I was there when my father gave you the title? There was a mention of joy, but we both know that was the unimportant part. Let's be honest, do I look more like a God of Mischief or a God of Lies?"

Yrsa turned to him a warm smile gracing her features. They both knew he excelled at lying, but it was the mischievous spark in his eyes that spoke volumes to her.

"Well, when you look at me, do you see a Goddess of Love? Or is it joy after all?"

Loki complied, staring openly at her face. Her brown hair looked like dark gold in the afternoon sun. Her smile seemed to light up the room, her sapphire eyes shining with glee.

"I'll admit, I see how much of a happy being you are" He took the last step and let himself enjoy the hotness of the sun on his skin. "But I've known you for far too long not to acknowledge the love you have for everything that surrounds you."

"It's not love, _per se_ " She sat down on a bench located next to a fountain in the middle of the garden. "I just find the world breathtaking. Everything about it amazes me. It's more of an admiration."

Loki found that he himself was prone to find beauty in the simplest of things in Yrsa's presence, but he also tended to be more distracted. As an adolescent boy he caught himself staring at his friend more than once, forgetting about the world surrounding him. It made impressing her with his magic problematic seeing as he couldn't properly focus on the task at hand.

"Loki? Are you even listening to me?"

The prince shook his head, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"I apologize, I was simply lost in thought."

"I see" Yrsa smiled, cocking her head to the side. "What is troubling you, if you don't mind sharing?"

He turned his gaze to the fountain.

"You."

"I'm troubling you?"

"No, no" He shook his head, looking into her eyes. "I just can't get you out of my mind."

"Loki" Her normally pale skin flushed red, her voice full of regret. "Stop."

"I don't want to" He tried to catch her stare, but she just closed her eyes, swallowing.

"We both know we can't engage in a relationship" She tried to smile but failed miserably. "It's a miracle I even get to spent time with you."

"I'm a prince of this realm" He took a hold of her hand. "I can do what I want."

"No you cannot" She pulled her hand out of his grip. "It's not a problem solved with power, it's a social standard. That's how our society works. Simple girls don't marry princes, that's how it always was and always will be" Although her words cut him like knives, her voice was gentle. She wasn't saying it out of spite, or even because it angered her – Yrsa was simply stating a fact, the one he tried to avoid thinking about. "Either way, you'll probably end up betrothed to some high class elf from Alfheim. I heard that Alfheim's women's beauty is unlike any other."

"I don't want another."

"Loki, just _stop_ " She sighed, smiling sadly. "Stop acting like a mere child. You're almost an adult. In five years you're gonna join Thor in battle. Maturity is expected of you at this age" That seemed to hurt the most of her words. As if it was his maturity that was keeping them apart. "Not everything can be solved just by you wanting it to be. Not everything is going to be as you want it to."

Was it sadness in her eyes? Was he really that pitiful? She felt sorry for him, as if he was delusional, as if she didn't feel what he was feeling.

But maybe she wasn't.

Loki never thought she'd feel differently. He always assumed she was as enchanted by him as he was by her. That was the one outcome he never took into consideration.

Not until now.

"You don't want me" Yrsa looked down at her hands, getting up.

"Loki, it doesn't matter whether I want you or not-"

"Yes it does!" He raised his voice, forcing her to look at him by tugging her down onto the bench. She bit her tongue. No matter how Loki acted, she couldn't forget – he was still royalty.

"Loki, although we can't even wish for a relationship, I do find you worthwhile. Does that satisfy you?" She got her dress out of his grip with a sharp tug. "I… I can't even tell you how… I can't possibly… I… Ugh!" She put her head in her hands, chuckling. "Oh, turns out I could use your silver tongue after all" She straightened her back and took a deep breath, staring straight into his eyes. "As you already pointed out, I'm a Goddess of Love. It means those Midgardians, they _pray_ to me, _directly_ to me. I hear all of their pleads – they ask for blessings, for their babes to be healthy when they're born, for the ones they fell for to feel the same way, but… I can't guarantee that. I'm just there for them to have hope, to believe that they have a say in the way their fate works. The truth is, they don't. _I_ don't. Even _you_ can't change anyone's fate, your own included" Yrsa smiled. "Oh, how I wish I could. How I wish I could end all those pleas with just satisfying those Midgardians. How I wish I could spent my life with you, how I wish I could love you without the pain it brings me everyday. I would spent _years_ on my knees, begging the Allfather if it would make a change" She put her hand on his cheek. "But long ago, I realized that it would mostly annoy him, instead of changing anything."

He took her hand off of his face, cradling it in his. Loki sighed before licking his lips.

"Sometimes, I wish I wasn't… Myself."

"I don't" She nudged his knee with her own. "Your family, your upbringing, your royal heritage… It all shaped you into Loki Odinson, the prince of Asgard, a marvelous sorcerer, my childhood friend, my _love_ " He couldn't help himself, he cracked a smile. "As I said, we can't change fate, so we shouldn't spend our lives thinking about the 'what if's. I'd rather spend it with you, for a long as I can, as long as they'll let me."

* * *

Two years later, Loki gave birth to Sleipnir.

Yrsa never asked about what happened or why. She knew that Sleipnir was taken away from Loki almost immadently after birth, but sometimes Loki convinced his father to let him play with his son. Sleipnir was incredibly slender for his age and whenever he got scared or sneezed, he would take a shape of an eight-legged, silver horse. Whenever Loki spent time with him she found herself sitting nearby, watching him with a smile.

And while the days Loki got to spend with Sleipnir were the best ones, the ones following were the worst. He would just sit in the library staring straight ahead, not even pretending to be captivated by a book, his eyes lacking their usual fire. Those days reminded her that she made the right decision – if Loki got onto Allfather's bad side by disrespecting his will, he'd surely never get to see Sleipnir again.

* * *

When Loki finally came of age, the whole of Asgard was celebrating. Except for Loki himself, of course. He sat in the library, making notes about one of the complex enchantments his mother recently showed him. He was practically as good as her by now, but every now and again she surprised him with another lesson, showing him something he's never even seen before, reminding him how much he had yet to learn.

He knew what coming of age meant – his father will start to dangle beautiful, noble, meaningless women in front of his face, trying to make him at least look at them with something other than disdain. But he won't even care about them, because none of them were Yrsa.

His beautiful, loving, wise Yrsa, with her brown hair and dark blue eyes, small height and full figure.

How was he supposed to forget her, when she was everything he ever wanted?

"Even today, of all days, you're here" He looked up from his notes. There she was, in a green – _green_ – gown, a fond smile on her face.

Loki stood up, putting his hand on her waist.

"I quite like the colour change" He smirked.

"You might think that all of Asgard would know who's feast it is, but I seem to be one of a few wearing green" She took his hand off of her dress, instead placing her hand on the inside of his elbow. "I think it's expected of you to actually show up."

"Only if I get a dance."

"Oh, with you by my side I might even dance the night away."

How was he supposed to stop loving her and find himself another?

Dancing with her pressed up against his chest, he found a solution. With a mischievous smirk he eyed his father's throne.

He just might have to ensure he's Allfather's first choice.

* * *

Thor and Loki were on an adventure, just as if they were in their adolescence years, sneaking off for a day every once in awhile without telling their mother or their friends, only speaking of it to brag. The fight in Jotunheim didn't turn out to be anything worth bragging, though.

One of the Jotun warriors seized him and the deathly cold of his skin started to inflict pain on Loki's arm, before something broke in him and instead of feeling any pain, his hand turned the same blue the giants' skin was.

Loki's eyes widened, a thought he buried in the back of his mind so many years before hitting him once again – maybe he was _different_ than his parents led him to believe.

It could only be a trick, of course, some kind of defensive spell he subconsciously threw, but it made too much sense to dismiss.

Was that why father took away Sleipnir?

They went back to Asgard, Thor and Odin fighting, Loki in complete silence. He didn't even react when Allfather banished his brother – _brother?_ – and went back to the palace, not noticing his surroundings, as if he was alone in the world.

"What were you even thinking?"

Loki wasn't expecting to find Yrsa waiting for him in his chamber.

"I-I-"

"A trip to _Jotunheim_? After the fiasco that was Thor's coronation? Could you kindly explain to me what was your plan, cause I can see from the look on your face it must have went _marvelous_ -"

"They don't bother me" Loki took a deep breath. "The Jotuns and their cold, as if we were akin."

"Loki-"

"And I-I know mother loves me, but father was always distant and I'd love to believe I just happened to be the only one with black hair in the history of the royal family of Asgard, but it might not be the case."

They stared at each other in silence.

"Loki, no matter what you find out, it will change _nothing_ between us, do you understand? _Nothing_."

* * *

That was the first night he ever laid with a woman, the first night he shared with Yrsa. In the whims of passion she seemed to forget her vow of never speaking of her love for him again. She clung to him with her small, delicate hands, her lips brushing his neck with every gasp she let out. He held her equally tight, whispering sweet words into her hair, knowing that it was probably his last chance to do it – her determination might have disappeared in the face of his vulnerability, but she won't let anything get to her for the second time. So he told her everything he ever wanted her to hear, but what she refused to listen to through all these years. The way her beauty captivated him, the things he admired in her, the future he wanted for them. And when the passion dimmed and gave way to exhaustion, he pulled her even closer to his body, burying his nose in her brown locks, her sweet breath tickling his chest, her heart beating so close to his arm wrapped around her body.

"I love you so much, Loki" She whispered, her finger tracing the hair on his arms. "I… I don't even know what we're supposed to do now."

Her voice cracked and he found himself afraid she'll disappear, walk out of his chamber and never come back, too scared of getting hurt more than she already got after getting so close to him.

"Just sleep, my love" He kissed the crown of her head. "I love you."

She inhaled slowly, closing her eyes and before he knew it she was in deep slumber, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He couldn't get himself to sleep, so instead he focused on the light of candles dancing through Yrsa's hair, her small lips and the equally small snores that passed them, making him chuckle.

He wished every moment of his life could be that blissful, that full of hope.

* * *

He wasn't really asleep when she awoke, his eyes only half closed and focused on her every move. She untangled herself from his arms, putting her gown back on and trying to fasten every buckle and tie every knot she had to for it to not fall apart. Then she walked over to his wardrobe and took out a simple black robe, putting it on. She seemed to fight with herself before walking back to his bed. The contrast struck him – he was right there laying and pretending to be asleep, still naked and probably an exact picture of the previous night but she was standing above him, physically close but farther away than she ever was, fully dressed, pain and regret on her face. He could see the tears that rolled down her cheeks out of the corner of his eye.

She leaned towards him, leaving a hesitant kiss on his cheek, one of her tears landing on his neck and sliding down. He stopped himself from wiping it away, knowing it was her moment – her decision affecting her life – and he couldn't invade it. During all these years Yrsa never let herself cry in front of him and he respected that.

She blew out the candles and left his chamber, the lingering smell of her perfume and the warmth of the sheets beside him the only evidence of the previous night.

* * *

When the Allfather's fallen ill, Loki – thanks to Thor's banishment - took over the role of the ruler of Asgard. And the first thing he did, he asked Yrsa to come see him in the throne room.

"My prince" She bowed her head, wary of the guards surrounding them.

"You may leave us alone" He addressed them, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. When the guards left, he got off the throne and walked down the stairs, smiling. "My love."

"I see you've found something to occupy you other than books" She smiled slightly, but he could feel the tease was flat and forced, lacking it's usual heat.

"Indeed I did" He nodded. "Sadly, my father's condition isn't changing at all, so I might be stuck on the throne for quite awhile. But it's not why I wanted to talk to you" He took her hand and held it in both of his. "Now, with the power invested in me by the Allfather, I can finally change our future for the better."

"Loki" She sighed, tugging her hand out of his grasp. "I told you. It's not only the matter of law, it's a matter or social standards."

"Oh, I know that" He smiled brightly. "And I can fix it, by doing one simple thing" His shoulder started to slightly shake, as if he was holding in laughter.

"What simple thing?"

"I can give you the honour of being a Dame."

She froze, not really sure what to say.

"Yrsa? My love?"

"Loki, the Allfather's gonna be angry" She bit her lip. "He wants you to marry a woman who was born with honours, not received them so you could have your way."

"Tell me, _oh, the Goddess of Love_ , why should I let my father dictate my romantic life?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "I personally think you should know better."

Yrsa knew she had no chance of changing his mind.

"You'll do as you please anyway, Loki" She bowed once again, her words cold and practiced. "Goodbye, my prince."

She received the honours the following night.

* * *

Yrsa wasn't one for looking back and wondering what would happen if she didn't make a certain decision or do a certain thing. Especially when it came to Loki Odinson.

She never regretted falling in love with him, couldn't find it in herself to resent something as beautiful as infatuation. Simply because, as he loved to point out, she was the Goddess of Love and Joy.

It all changed when Thor approached her a couple of days after the night she'd rather forget but could never regret.

"Lady Yrsa" He called out, running up to her. She couldn't quite get used to others addressing her as a 'Lady' or a 'Dame' now, but turned to the enormous man none the less.

"Yes, my prince?" She bit the inside of her cheek, forcing a smile onto her face. She didn't even know he came back from his banishment, but maybe Loki changed his mind about his brother. That, or the Allfather has awoken.

"I'm incredibly sorry" His eyes were full of pain and sincerity.

Yrsa felt her hands tremble.

"What happened?"

"Loki fell off the Bifrost."

She could see Thor's lips move, but no other sound reached her ears. She stood there, speechless, staring at the warrior prince, her thoughts running a mile a minute.

She immediately regretted every decision, every moment she thought she shouldn't express her love for him. The talk only days before, when he told her his plan for making their shared future happen and she ignored it. The fact that she left his chambers after their first - and, how did it pain her to say, _only_ -night. All the kisses they could have shared, all the times they could confess their feelings freely and didn't, because she would refuse to hear it. She could feel the longing for Loki that followed her around for the last couple of days grow so big it pained her heart to know they'll never see each other again. Once you feel into the abyss, into the cold dark space bellow, there was no way back. Even Heimdall couldn't see you there.

* * *

There was a funeral held the next day, but with no body to burn, no boat to set off into the waters surrounding Asgard, it didn't show her the reality of the situation properly. Of course Frigga's sobs were real, of course Thor's tears were real, but they didn't hit her hard enough to bring her out of her catatonic state.

And there she was, months later, still not believing her lover was dead, when it turned out he wasn't dead at all – no, he was perfectly fine, bringing death and destruction to Midgard.

She couldn't really feel anything about his violent behavior, because the only thing that echoed in her head, was that _he was alive_. She felt so relieved, as if she could finally breathe again, and couldn't stop grinning like a complete lunatic.

When Loki finally came back to Asgard, he was in shackles and his lips were sealed until he was transported into the palace. She couldn't get close to him, although her title was accepted by Odin himself when he finally awoke. Only when he was taken to his cell, did Frigga pity her enough to snuck her into the dungeons.

He was, as always, a sight to behold. Even imprisoned he was full of grace, the fire in his eyes still as fierce and free as if he was strutting through the palace grounds instead of a cell.

She stood there, not saying a single word, only taking him in – how she missed his hair as dark as night, his eyes the colour of the grass that grew in his mother's gardens, his perfect skin, powerful voice, captivating smile… She felt as if she could stare at him forever.

"Lady Yrsa" He smiled, the fire in his eyes turning from a wildfire into a warm, delicate flame. "As beautiful as ever, if not more. There's a new glow I've never seen around you – have you forgotten me and found a more rightful lover?"

"Your words, though they're said kindly, hurt me more than the worst profanities this world has to offer" Her hands were clasped so tight she could almost feel her nails prick the skin. "Whatever happened to make you do this, Loki?"

"I'm afraid it's love" He took a couple steps closer to the wall of his cell. "The one I had for you, Thor, Odin, Frigga, Asgard…I gave you all love and got nothing in return. It can bring the brightest mind to madness."

"That's a lie if I ever heard one" Yrsa followed his example, stepping close enough to the wall to hear it's magical buzz. "You gave me love and I gave you everything I could in return, though it wasn't much. Frigga raised you like her own, Loki. She loves you even more than I do. Thor always treated you with kindness and love, like any brother should. You were the prince of Asgard, my love, you had a loving family and you let it all go to waste, because you couldn't listen to me all those years ago" She took a deep breath and stepped away, feeling dizzy and nauseous. "I could live with the pain of loving you, Loki, by only getting to spend a little time in your company. For me there could be no other, but you could have just let your father get what he wanted."

"He's not my father."

"That's not the point" Yrsa smiled sadly, knowing it was probably the last time she'll ever see him. "You could have learned to love a beautiful aristocrat and find happiness at her side. You could have spared me so much pain, you could have spared all of us so much pain, just by, for once, playing by the rules. We could have been happy, you with your wife, me knowing you were satisfied" She bit her lip, swallowing the bill that rose to her throat. "But now, I guess it's the time to say goodbye."

"Yrsa-"

"I can't come here, Loki. Not if I want us both to stay sane" She looked him straight in the eyes. "Farewell, my love."

She turned around, making sure steps towards the entrance.

"Yrsa, wait!" She rarely heard him raise his voice, so she stopped mid-step. "Is it true? That there's no other?"

"Yes. And there never will be" Her words were powerful and sure. She walked out, leaving behind her hopeful dreams of a future full of love and content.


	2. Building a Home

It was only a few weeks later that she found herself surrounded by healers, her head pounding and back hurting with every move she made. The glow Loki was so concerned about turned out to be a glow of a pregnant woman – lighting up every little nook of the room, as Eir told her, for those who studied magic. Not very different from a glow of being newly, happily married.

Loki was unnerved, because for him it seemed that she found someone who made her shine brighter than ever.

Aesir pregnancies were long and dangerous, tying future mothers to their beds for months upon months, but Eir told her she had no idea what to expect. It was the first ever case of an Aesir woman impregnated by a Jotun she's ever seen and stories told Eir was the one who delivered the Allfather himself.

Yrsa was scared beyond belief – there was another life growing inside her, one unlike any other before and the healers weren't sure what was supposed to happen and what wasn't. They weren't sure which kinds of medications they could use, if magic was helpful or harmful, what she needed to eat and what she was supposed to avoid at all costs. There were things that could hurt her unborn child, but there was also the possibility of her child killing her by accident – it could have a Jotun's strength or magic and by mistake hurt her from the inside with its powers.

The worst thing of all was that none of them had any idea how long the pregnancy itself might last. It was unknown how long Jotuns carried a child – gender and sex were incredibly fluid in Jotuns, and those pregnant never showed any visible signs of a life growing inside them, Loki a perfect example of this.

* * *

She gave birth to a healthy, petite boy only a week later, who in the arms of Eir turned into a serpent – he was quickly given to Yrsa, who calmed and fed him, coaxing him back into his Aesir form. She named him Jormungandr, already seeing his features will resemble the ones of his father.

Counting from Jormungandr's birth to the night she shared with Loki, she told Eir her pregnancy was much shorter than regular Aesir's – only a full year had passed.

Yrsa wasn't sure whether or not she should tell Loki about him. He had to already face the loss of Sleipnir – she couldn't possibly force him to live knowing that another one of his children will grow up without him by its side.

But it turned out it wasn't exactly her decision.

* * *

She was incredibly surprised when Frigga visited her, a warm and loving smile on her face.

"How are you feeling, child?" She asked kindly, walking up to her bed.

"Marvelous, your highness" She forced a practiced smile onto her face.

"There's no need for stupid titles, Yrsa" The woman put a gentle hand on Yrsa's arm. "And no need for lies, either."

"I'm terrified and confused" She sighed, her thumb stroking Jormungandr's little fist. He was asleep, snuggled into her mother's warm body.

"It's understandable" Frigga took her hand off of Yrsa. "He's beautiful. Just like Loki, maybe a bit bigger – he was such a tiny babe, especially for a Jotun. And his skin would turn awfully cold whenever he cried – and oh, did he cry! I had to carry him all the time, otherwise he wouldn't sleep at all!" The Asgardian queen sat on the edge of her bed. "Thor, on the other hand, wouldn't stop moving. When he stood, instead of taking single steps, he'd run as fast as his little legs would let him. There are times when I wish they were back to being so tiny and innocent, just two careless children" Her smile disappeared, showing how tired she really was. "Oh, my dear Loki, what have you done?" She sighed, putting her finger on her grandson's hand, brushing against Yrsa's. "What's his name?"

"Jormungandr" She answered, licking her lips. "Is… Is the Allfather going to banish me?"

"Why would he, love?" Frigga's eyes were focused on the newborn.

"I don't know. But nothing makes sense anymore. It's just, I'd rather be banished than have my child taken from me."

"Ah, I see. You fear he'll share Sleipnir's fate" The woman looked up, smiling sadly. "Odin is afraid of fate. He knows what was predicted: Loki's children will bring his downfall. But from what I gathered, they're not a threat in the least. But, of course, by taking them away from their parents, he makes them resent him."

"A self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Exactly. And I'm afraid he'll try to do the same to Jormungandr as he did to Sleipnir. But, there's a solution" Frigga stood up, clasping her hands together. "I can coax him to let you two reside on Midgard."

"You would?" She shifted, causing Jormungandr to fuss. "I'm sorry. Shhh… That would be so kind of you, your highness."

"I already told you, call me Frigga. No need for this silliness, we're a family now" Her eyes clouded over, as if she was reminiscing. "Or, we could have been one for years now. Oh, these foolish rules" She sighed, leaning down and leaving a kiss on Yrsa's head before doing the same for Jormungandr and walking out.

* * *

Yrsa's mother wasn't happy about her moving to Midgard, but it was the Allfather's will. She kissed her daughter and grandson, wishing them a great life, knowing they'll probably never see each other again. Yrsa left her childhood home with only her son at her side, not knowing what to expect of her new life.

She met the Allfather and Thor in the throne room, bowing to the king.

The Allfather was silent when he used dark magic to send them to Midgard. They landed in New York, as Thor told her, smiling.

"I'm going to ask a friend of mine for a favor" He explained, tugging her towards the city. He didn't seem to notice the Midgardians stare at the three of them, but she did. They whispered to each other and made huge eyes at the bundle in her arms. She tried to ignore them, but couldn't help feeling uneasy.

* * *

Tony Stark, like many other people, had his specific Sunday rituals. One of them was that he spend the wee hours of the morning working on prototypes, doing his research or other scientific stuff he loved, before collapsing on the couch in his workshop around five, sleeping till noon and then eating some Chinese.

He loved his Sunday rituals.

So it wasn't unexpected that he was ready to rip apart the asshole that started to 'ring his doorbell' at around ten, disrupting his sleep.

"JARVIS, get rid of the nuisance" He growled, turning onto his other side. He needed it more than usual, seeing as he finally rebuilt his tower the prior week.

"I'm afraid I'm not capable of doing that, sir" The AI's voice didn't really lull him back to sleep. "One of your guests is Thor Odinson."

Tony already regretted letting the Avengers come to his tower freely.

He fell off the couch, slowly standing up and dragging himself to the elevator, cursing the God of Thunder under his breath.

"Why can't Bruce handle this one?" He complained, resting his head on the elevator's wall.

"Doctor Banner specifically asked for your assistance, sir."

"I'm going to dissect his green ass for this one."

He wasn't really sure how it came to be, but he somehow offered Bruce to stay at his tower and Bruce somehow agreed.

The door of the elevator opened and Tony, still half asleep, walked out.

"This better be good, blondie" He yawned, rubbing the kinks out of the back of his neck.

"Believe me, it is" Bruce back came into Tony's view, doing nothing to block out the sight of the enormous Asgardian.

"Man of Iron!" Thor hollered, a goofy smile on his face. He reminded Tony of a five year old, and even Tony Stark had a heart – he couldn't stay too mad at a five year old. "I'll have to ask you for a favor, my friend."

"Yeah, sure, how much is it?" He was ready to just whip out his checkbook and get back to sleep.

"I don't need your treasures" Thor walked closer to him, Bruce side-stepping to not get squished in between them. The Asgardian put a hand on his shoulder, his face serious. "I'm looking for a shelter for two of my kin."

"What?"

Thor turned, so that he was no longer completely blocking Tony's vision. Right there in his living room stood a woman in full Asgardian gear, a newborn in her arms.

"Told you it's important" Bruce rubbed his forehead, groaning.

The woman took a deep breath and walked over to Tony, doing a small bow.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, Sir Tony of Stark" Her manners were almost as infuriating as those of Thor's. "I wouldn't ask you for help if it wasn't a necessity."

"Yeah, sure, sure, let me talk with the big guy here for a second" He completely ignored Bruce's alarmed stares and took a hold of Thor's arm, tugging him towards the kitchen. "What is going on? Why am I supposed to house a newborn baby with its mother?"

"The Allfather gave her an ultimatum. She could either give her child up, to be raised in a distant realm with no connection to its parentage, or she could be banished to Midgard with it – as you see, Man of Iron, she chose the later."

"And is there any reason a powerful ruler of an alien species wanted to send that baby the hell away from her and its daddy dearest? Cause I don't see the other loving parent, those are rather needed for baby making."

Thor sighed, his whole posture deflating just a little.

"Its father's in the palace dungeon, paying for his crimes against Asgard, Midgard and Jotunheim."

"Is it bad that this sounds familiar?"

"My brother's the father of this babe."

"Nope. No way in hell. She's probably as psychotic, unstable and dangerous as her babycakes."

"Tony" Thor's face suddenly looked as old as time, his eyes no longer sparkling with their usual happiness. "You shouldn't judge her by who owns her heart. She was probably the most wounded of us all. She loved Loki with all her might and now she'll forever see the reminder of who he once was – of the times when I could call him my brother. I wouldn't be asking this of you if I wasn't sure you'd be perfectly safe and able to handle the situation."

Tony didn't like it when people expected him to be reasonable, mature and completely selfless – yes, he grew to care about the well being of the world's population, but it wasn't until recently and he still thought his business was much more important than those of other's. But there was Thor, completely sure he chose the right man for the job, the one who was brave, chivalrous and caring, enough so to take in his enemy's child and it's mother. No one – except for Thor, of course – would expect that much humanness out of him.

And if Tony loved one thing, it was to prove people wrong.

* * *

Thor disappeared not long after that, explaining that he had a lot of business to attend to. Tony wasn't sure if he didn't want to be left with the Asgardians or if he wanted Thor as far away from him as possible before he asked for another favor.

Tony learned that the woman's name was Yrsa and that she was a good millennium older than him, but only now has given birth to her first child, who she named Jormungandr. Jormungandr Lokison.

That was a mouthful.

So, instead, he referred to the baby as 'Jorm'. He was mostly thankful that Jorm was incredibly quiet for a newborn, but maybe it was just that Tony's imagination was this wild, unexplored territory of his mind where every child ran around screaming at the top of their lungs while simultaneously crying.

Bruce, surprisingly, turned out to be great with kids. Yrsa spent most of the time glued to Jorm's side, but it turns out that even Asgardians had to use bathrooms every once in a while – that's where Bruce came in. He'd just take Jorm and go off to read a book on quantum physics or something out loud, which instead of putting the newborn to sleep, would actually make him more alert – as if the words really interested him, but maybe it was just the scientist's deep voice.

Tony found himself rather fond of the little rugrat – once when Pepper was grilling his ass for something he screwed up, Jorm changed into a small serpent and climbed his way out of his swing, onto Tony's arm and up to his shoulder, hissing at her, his little forked tongue flicking.

Pepper, thankfully, instead of taking it personally, fell in love with the little alien, cooing and smiling whenever he was around, but Tony learned one thing – the little shit stood by him and that was probably the most important thing he could imagine.

Yrsa, on the other hand, wasn't half as social as her son. She kept to herself, occasionally exchanging a word or two with Pepper.

It changed at the end of the first month she lived in his tower. It was an incredibly hot night and Tony couldn't get any sleep – of course he had AC, but he hated sleeping with it turned on – so he walked to the kitchen to get some water and then to the balcony.

That's where he found Yrsa, still in her daily attire, sitting on the edge, her feet swinging 90-stories above the ground.

"It's not very safe, unless you know how to fly" He took a sip out of the bottle in his hand, jumping over the barrier and sitting next to her.

"Where's your armor, then?" She turned towards him, her face emotionless.

He pointed to the two metal bracelets, shining on his wrists.

"After what your baby daddy did, it's never too far away."

She visibly shivered, turning back towards the city, buzzing with life beneath their feet.

Tony shifted, feeling, for once, kind of sorry. He heard Thor's booming voice - _She was probably the most wounded of us all_ – and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Okay, listen" He sighed, trying hard not to just ignore the fact that he made a woman feel like shit. "I'm not good at this kinda thing – being _nice_ , that is. So, let me try again – how was your day?"

"It was fine" Yrsa nodded, still looking down. Her voice cracked.

"No, no, please, don't cry- we can talk about other things, just please, I can't stand it when women cry,"

She rubbed her eyes, sighing.

"We can talk about Loki" She smiled, but it was deprived of any emotion. "I know you've got questions – believe me, I've got my own – but I'll try to tell you as much as I can."

He was surprised, to say the least. He surely wasn't expecting her to not take him up on his offer, instead trying to feed his curiosity.

"How could you love such a monster?"

He was probably going to get slapped.

He could practically taste the blood – she was an Aesir, for God's sake, she could probably hit almost as hard as Thor – but instead saw a smile – not a forced one, but a genuine grin.

"I've never loved a monster" She answered, looking straight into his eyes. "I've loved a man hurt by his life and people he trusted enough for him to lose sanity" Tony took another swing of his drink, squirming under her gaze. "Tell me, Man of Iron" Yrsa scooted closer, the smile not leaving her face. "You know how it feels when the ones you call your family turn out to be traitors" He stopped thinking about Jebadiah a long time ago, but suddenly the man's face came to his mind, the way he smirked when he tossed his arc reactor away from his body, leaving him to die. "Tell me, how did you feel? You wanted to get your revenge, didn't you?" She moved so fast he couldn't pinpoint the moment she stood up and jumped back to safety, behind the balcony's barrier. "And you did. Now answer me: how is Loki different from you?"

She left, melting into the shadows of the hallway.

Maybe she was right, thought Tony. Loki thought of himself as a god, no wonder he wanted his revenge to be impressive – what was it for a guy that was a millennium old to kill some low-class species that years earlier bowed at his feet. Humans were like ants for him, and he wasn't afraid to squash a hundred or two under his boot. Showing he could trick them all, trick them into believing that Earth was what he wanted – why would he get an army when he could create one out of his own copies. He was surely no match for the Avengers, only acting as if they could stand a chance against him. It was all for show, to play on Thor's and Odin's noses.

The question was, why did he let them capture him?

* * *

Jorm was growing rapidly fast.

It had to be those alien genes, because although Tony has never seen a child grow, he was sure outgrowing clothes in two weeks wasn't human. He voiced his concerns, but Bruce just rolled his eyes.

"Perfectly normal" Said the doctor, going back to his book. "For humans, at least. I've never really studied other humanoid species."

"Good to know" Tony walked over to the tiny three months old alien and pocked his stomach. "What do you think, baby momma?"

"Asgardian babies do grow slower" Yrsa was cooking a 'splendid dish' as she called it, but her voice carried from the kitchen with ease. "But I'm not aware of how fast the Frost Giants grow. It can be another thing he inherited from his father."

Tony bit his tongue before he could say that he hoped it was the last one.

* * *

Tony has never thought he'd even remotely enjoy spending time with a child, especially one who still wore diapers. But there he was, an Iron Man figurine in his hand as he made weird noises and moved it around Jorm, to the child's uttermost delight.

"What are you doing?"

Tony jumped, startled, making Jorm change into his serpent form and wrap around his arm.

"For Christ's sake, wear a bell around your neck or something" He stood up, trying to calm the child. "You scared him."

"Who's that?" Steve slowly walked towards the two of them, only making Jorm tighten his grip.

"Ouch, step back" Tony coaxed the baby off his arm, running his hand down his body. "Shh, little guy, it's okay. I'm here" Jorm slowly morphed back into a humanoid child, but there were tears running down his cheeks. "I know, Cap scarred the two of us shitless, but it's okay, he's an okay guy to be honest."

"Tony, once again, who's that and what are you doing?"

"This is going to sound bonkers, so better sit down, your old heart might not take it well" Instead of commenting, Steve sat down on the couch obediently, raising his eyebrow. "This is Thor's nephew, Jormungandr. He's almost six months old now."

"But Thor-" Steve's eyes widened momentarily. "Tony."

"Believe me, I know" He sighed, wiping away Jorm's tears. "His mother's alright though. Makes bitchin waffles, although she's never eaten waffles before. Anyway, he's really not that bad."

"Not that bad?" Steve stood up and started to pace. "His father is a mass murderer!"

"And my father didn't give two shits about me" Tony hugged the baby to his chest, knowing the hum of his arc reactor would lull him back to calmness. "It's a baby, Steve. He's never even seen his father and if there's one thing that makes kids turn into villains, it's believing that they're destined to be them from the start" He still couldn't shake off the words Yrsa said to him on the balcony. "Cause that's why Loki turned out to be like that, you know?"

"Since when are you on Loki's side?" Steve brushed his hair back in frustration. Jorm's skin started to grow tiny scales, but Tony hugged him tighter before he could turn into a snake once again.

"I'm not on Loki's side, you dumbass" He growled, rubbing soothing circles into the child's back. "I just don't want this kid to turn into a fuck up just like his father."

That seemed to shut Steve up effectively. He sighed, before once again slowly walking over to Tony and Jorm.

"Hi there" His bright smile seemed to put Jorm at ease and his scales started to disappear. "I'm Steve."

Jorm looked up at Tony uncertainly but when the man nodded, he turned back to Steve and pocked his nose.

"Clint is going to freak out."

"I know."

* * *

Surprisingly, after being reassured that Jorm didn't have any mind control powers, Clint immediately took a liking to the child. Tony suspected that maybe after all Loki passed on some of his 'charm' to Jorm.

After meeting Natasha, Yrsa started to come out of her shell even more. When Tony questioned her about it, she just said that Natasha got her in a way not even Loki could. He didn't risk asking Nat about what exactly that meant.

The more Tony thought about the reason why Loki let them capture him, the more unnerved he became. There was so much he could do from within the palace walls, which made Tony lose those precious few hours of sleep he got each night. He asked Yrsa about the possible reason.

"Maybe he started to miss Sleipnir."

"Sleip-who?"

"His firstborn son" She played around with her cereal. Bruce almost spat out his coffee.

"Wait, he's got _more_ kids?" Bruce put down his cup, openly staring at her.

"Other than Jormungandr, there's just Sleipnir" Yrsa put down her spoon. "Loki was incredibly young when he gave birth to him-"

"Wait, Loki gave birth to him?" Tony suspiciously eyed Jorm. He knew Yrsa was the one to squeeze out the brat, so he wasn't really sure how the whole downstairs of Loki could work. "But isn't he… Male?"

"In a way" She shrugged. "Jotuns' gender is very complicated. But as far as anyone's concerned, he's Sleipnir's mother."

Bruce clearly decided not to dwell on the gender of the trickster, instead inquiring her about Sleipnir.

"He's been taken away from Loki soon after his birth. After all, it would raise too many questions. You see, while changing ones gender isn't impossible while you're an Aesir, it requires powerful magic, more powerful than most are physically capable of. However, it's pretty easy for Jotuns, since their identity and biology are very fluid. Maybe the Allfather feared that Loki would figure it out" She shook her head. "Either way, it would be foolish of him. The Allfather would never let him see his son after this. I barely managed to visit him when he came back."

And suddenly something inside Tony clicked and he looked at Yrsa in an entirely different light.

After all, how many women could say that they were the reason why Loki, the God of Mischief and Lies, let himself be captured and imprisoned.

He told the news to Bruce and then called up Steve, repeating the same thing.

" _She's_ the reason" He shook his head, watching through the balcony doors as Yrsa played with Jorm, kissing his little feet and tickling him. "We have one of the most powerful women kneeling on our living room floor, covered in baby saliva."

"Gross and weirdly specific. I hope to get that image out of my head" Steve sighed on the other side of the line. "So, you called to just tell me that or…"

"We have a great asset if things go wrong" Tony looked down at Jorm, something in his heart bursting. "But there's no way I'm ever letting him even find out about the kid."


	3. How Fast They Grow

Pepper told him she was done with their relationship. It wasn't that Tony didn't expect that to happen at one point, but certainly he didn't expect it so soon after he gave up his suits for her.

She told him he drank too much and she couldn't watch him end up like her father did, drinking himself into an early grave and ruining the lives of his family in the process.

It definitely stuck with Tony. He asked Jarvis to tell Bruce and Yrsa where each bottle in the tower was and to dispose of them.

The first few weeks were the worst. Withdrawal was a bitch and Tony was ready to kill for it to stop. Yrsa wasn't sure what was going on, but Bruce made sure that Tony stayed healthy through it all. Jorm was mostly confused and just kept on leaving drool on Tony's clothes.

Staying sober all the time took a toll on Tony, especially when Jorm was teething. Nothing could calm the little bastard down and Yrsa was on a brink of despair each time a new tooth would appear. Bruce was the only one who stayed calm through the whole process and man was Tony happy that they had him. Maybe some parents wouldn't be comfortable with the Hulk taking care of their kids, but Yrsa trusted the man just as much as Tony did.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Jorm's first word was 'mom'. Well, 'ma' more actually, but the sentiment was the same. Tony side eyed the kid for the next month, because he thought they agreed that it was supposed to be a version of 'Tony'. Jorm didn't seem to get it, but Tony knew he was just playing dumb.

That's why he spent his days sitting on the carpet, staring straight into Jorm's eyes and pointing at himself.

"Tony."

"Gah."

If that was how Jorm wanted to play, then okay.

Tony took out his phone and looked for this year's Christmas card photo. He ignored the sharp pain that seeing Pepper wrapped in his arms caused him and zoomed in on Yrsa's face before showing it to Jorm.

"Ma!"

"Good, now" Tony pointed at himself. "Tony."

"Gah."

He really wanted to tell the kid to go fuck himself, but well, he was just a few months old.

"No, not 'gah'" Tony sighed, flipping through his pictures to find one of only Yrsa and him. Maybe that would get the kid to do it.

Jorm crawled over to him and sat in his lap.

As it turned out, he didn't have any pictures with Yrsa. The woman didn't like taking pictures, always sighing when Tony made her do it. He decided to find a good picture of himself, if only to print it and plaster all over Jorm's room.

"Da!"

Tony stopped scrolling immediately, for a second worried that Jorm was referring to either him or Bruce, since it was a selfie they took right after New York, sitting in his Acura. But after inspecting the picture closely, he could see Thor gripping Loki's forearm forcefully in the background, the trickster's eyes staring straight into the lens.

* * *

He asked Yrsa whether she finally got herself a phone.

"Why would I use it, Tony?" She sighed, taking her clothes out of the dryer. Bruce finally convinced her to wear 'regular human' clothes instead of the whole 'being from another planet' attire. "I don't get out of the tower without one of you with me. If I have to contact anyone, I can just ask Jarvis."

"Do you have any pictures of Loki then?"

"Of course I don't" She turned around, her gaze turning sharp. "We don't have cameras in our world, Tony. We don't need to. Our memory is perfect and we resort to painting or sculpturing someone's face only when they die" He wanted to tell her that she did think that Loki was dead for some time, but she continued. "Why do you ask, Man of Iron?"

She resorted to using that nickname instead of violence. It certainly felt like a slap in that tone of voice.

"Jorm recognized him on a picture" He saw Yrsa's eyes widen. "None of us ever showed him what he looked like or told him anything. I thought maybe you did."

They both turned to the doorway, watching Jorm in his playpen. He tried to wobbly stand up before falling on his bottom before he even stretched his legs fully.

"Could he contact him?"

"He has no idea Jorm exists, so no" Yrsa gripped the edge of the dryer, her knuckles whitening.

Tony thought about Jorm being the one to seek Loki. Maybe the kid had some mind controlling powers after all.

After a minute of silence Yrsa walked out to gather Jorm in her arms and bury her face in his - surprisingly red - hair. Tony noted that she left two hand shaped dents where her fingers dug into the metal too hard.

He'll have to buy a new dryer.

* * *

Jorm was ten months old when he started to walk. Well, actually, it was more of a run, but Tony still had Jarvis print out the frame where he takes his first step off the surveillance cameras. He framed all four copies of it and put one in Bruce's, Yrsa's and his rooms, before hanging the final one in the living room.

Two days later Jorm ran over to him, motioning for Tony to pick him up and yelled out something resembling Tony's name. The man let the kid tug on his beard throughout the rest of the day with no complaints. He may have been a bit disappointed when a week later Jorm called Bruce 'Ruce'. Still, 'Nee' being Jorm's second – actually third but Tony never told anyone about the fact that Jorm not only recognized Loki but also called him his _dad_ – word was something to boast about, since people never believed that Tony would be good with babies. And maybe he was only somewhat decent with this one sole child, but it still counted.

* * *

For Jorm's first birthday, Tony threw him the birthday party of the millennium. It was _Thomas the Tank Engine_ themed and while there was only a handful of guests, Tony made sure to pay for a life sized Thomas replica and a professional DJ, although Natasha called him an old drunkard when she heard a club remix of _The Engine Roll Call_.

Shame on her, cause it was _bomb_.

Yrsa told him that it was the most bizarre birthday celebration she has ever seen and he took pride in the fact, seeing how she was a millennia old alien. Steve was as fascinated as her about the whole thing and Natasha told him that she still didn't get around to taking him to a club.

The cake was huge and could probably feed about fifty more people. Jorm ate half a slice on his own, his face smeared in blue icing and pieces of cake stuck to his front teeth. Clint doubled over laughing, Bruce took a picture and Yrsa's smile fell a bit.

Everyone took a turn dancing with the man of the hour, who clapped his hands to the music, giggling at being twirled around. After Yrsa put him to bed, the adults had their own after party, the DJ dropping the Thomas theme and going for something more appropriate.

Tony surprised his teammates by staying away from alcohol. They didn't know about the reason for his break up with Pepper, but Bruce and Yrsa exchanged knowing looks.

* * *

Jorm was around fifteen months old when he started to mix up 'Tony' and 'Bruce' with 'Dada'. Bruce froze up the first time it happened, almost dropping Jorm while putting him in the bathtub. Tony choked on his own saliva when he heard it while feeding Jorm. Yrsa started to sob the first time she heard it and those definitely weren't happy tears.

It must have been confusing for Jorm and Tony got that. First of all, he lived with three adults, only one of which was in any way related to him. Second of all, two of those adults were male and while they did take care of him, none of them really felt much like fathers while doing so. Third and final point, every cartoon that he watched and every story that he listened to spoke of this mystical being that was a 'father'. Yeah, no doubt the kid had a hard time.

After the third slip up Tony had to check something. He pulled up a picture of Loki that wouldn't leave a child traumatized on his phone and showed it to him.

"Dada!"

Yeah, maybe the situation was even more complicated.

Still, they couldn't punish Jorm for it or something, because well, while it did made his mother cry, it wasn't a bad thing for a child to do. So, they resorted to finding shows and stories with uncles – and _man_ , there wasn't many, more like none at all, Tony had to find an obscure French bedtime story and get Jarvis to translate it – and cramming them down Jorm's throat in hopes of getting him to understand better. The only thing it caused was for Jorm to fuss every time he heard the story and hand them his favourites instead.

Tony felt like he'd regret it someday, but he did finally print out the one decent picture of Loki where he didn't look like a mass murderer that the internet had to offer and put it in Jorm's room, so that the kid would get more familiar with the image of his father. It was an act of desperation, but it did make Jorm slip up less and the only inconvenience it caused was that Yrsa had to put it face down whenever she spent time in his room.

* * *

The disaster that was his cell reflected the way he felt perfectly. Broken, full of chaos.

He couldn't believe that the last thing he said to her was that she wasn't his mother.

It always happened. He'll love someone, he'll lose them.

Sleipnir. Yrsa. And now his mother.

He couldn't believe that Yrsa didn't even try to visit him since his mother's death. Did he really mean so little to her that she couldn't offer her comfort?

His mother was a key part in his life. She taught him everything he knew about the world. She showed him kindness, love and warmth. She taught him her ways and basics of magic.

She was the only reason why he was even alive today, her empathy and pure heart leading her to take care of him, a monster Odin knew he'd become.

It seemed that another piece of his heart shriveled up and died, just like the one labeled 'Sleipnir'.

He wondered what Odin will do to his son now that Frigga wasn't shielding him. He wanted to believe that Sleipnir was safe, that maybe they won't be mad enough to hurt a child, but then again, Odin was ready to kill Loki when he was just an infant.

He spent days thinking about it, his thoughts occasionally drifting from his dead mother and soon to be dead son to Yrsa.

He barely noticed when Thor walked over to his cell. He played the same game he did with everyone else, enjoying the guilt in Thor's eyes whenever he mentioned Frigga.

He was supposed to be the strong one. He trained his whole life, he took pride in being a warrior. Loki was always the weak one, the one who enjoyed the 'female' ways of fighting – through words and magic. Thor was supposed to at least keep his pet human safe, but thanks to his failures mother was dead.

But Loki couldn't hide when Thor saw straight past through his mirage. And there was another layer of guilt added to Thor's gaze when he saw Loki's miserable state.

"Is he alive?" Their game stopped bringing Loki joy. He had the opportunity to know about his son's fate and playing with Thor's mind wasn't nearly as important.

"Who?"

"My son. Sleipnir" Something in Thor's posture shifted as soon as he heard the boy's name. Something was wrong, but the relaxed state the man was in meant one thing.

"Yes. And don't worry, nothing will happen to him. You have my word."

"Why should I believe you?" Loki arched his eyebrow. "You lot took away my son. You let my mother die. Why wouldn't you harm him?"

"He's my nephew" Thor shrugged. "While I don't consider you my brother anymore, he's still my kin. You lost that right, but I still view him as family."

"And you have a great track record of keeping your family safe" Loki snorted, the back of his head hitting the wall of his cell. "Let's move on and say that I do believe you. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you again, Thor?"

"I need you help."

* * *

There were many things Loki considered doing after his 'death'. He could take over Asgard, replacing the Allfather with himself and banishing him to Earth without his powers. Or he could use this opportunity to find his son.

It was pretty easy to pull a few strings and find out that he was kept on Frigga's motherland, Vanaheim. It felt like his mother was extending her protection over his child even beyond the grave.

The road to Vanaheim was equally as easy. Finding his son in the realm was harder.

When Loki found him locked in a stable, he swore to skin Odin alive when he got the chance. The poor child was scared and curled up in the corner, his eight skinny legs seeming way too long for his body.

"Sleipnir" Loki materialized next to him, burying his face in his son's silver mane, smiling when it turned to a head of black hair. "My precious boy. I'm here."

"Mother" The boy wrapped his wiry – was he just as skinny as a child? It unnerved him to see that Sleipnir seemed to be just skin and bones – arms around Loki's neck and in a matter of seconds they were gone from there.

Loki looked over his son and was relieved when he found no evidence of mistreating.

"I'm here" Loki repeated, hugging the boy tightly. "Mother is here."

It was the happiest Loki has ever been. His son was finally at his side, safe, loved and cared for. It was everything Loki didn't dare dream about since Sleipnir's birth.

He knew the Allfather was going to get the news that Sleipnir was gone. But Loki's magic was powerful and if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.

* * *

After the initial few weeks, Loki felt a sudden need to travel to Midgard. Something called him there, a force he didn't recognize. He decided that it would be easier for them to hide in a place full of humans so the idea itself wasn't that stupid.

He didn't know why he chose New York. Maybe it was his history with the city, maybe it was the mystical force telling him to.

He provided everything they would need to lead normal lives as Midgardians. He changed his appearance into a Midgardian woman's in order to adorn their customs when it came to motherhood. He conjured up Midgardian currency and bought them a small flat. Everything seemed to be falling into place, when one day Loki was out grocery shopping and a magazine cover caught his eye.

A picture of Stark, with 'New fling?' written over it and Yrsa clearly visible as she stood next to the man.

Something inside Loki initially broke before mending back together and filling him with a mix of sadness, anger and excitement.

* * *

He appeared in Stark's tower only a few hours later, after making sure that Sleipnir was full, clean and safe. He had a spell monitoring Sleipnir's activity and was ready to give up, if his son needed him.

The first one to stumble upon him was the beast. He stopped in his tracks, watching Loki with confusion.

"Hi?"

He didn't recognize him. It made Loki look down at himself and yes, he was still in his female disguise. He sighed, before turning back to his usual form.

The scientist squealed and hit a device next to the door. The whole room seemed to shrink as every possible entryway closed off, the windows being covered with metal curtains. Loki wanted to laugh at the pathetic lock down when he heard a steady hiss come from behind the man. A small snake started to climb its way up the beast's leg, but the man seemed to think of it as an even bigger tragedy.

"No, Jorm, get back down, don't-"

The snake wrapped itself around the man's neck loosely, before turning to face Loki.

The tiny pet the Avengers kept had a strange aura about him and before Loki was able to comment about the Earth's 'mightiest heroes' hiding behind small serpents, it seemed to backtrack and transform into a child. The beast quickly took it into his arms, preventing it from falling.

"Da!"

Both Loki and the beast froze, while the little child started to reach for Loki with its chubby hands. The door behind Loki opened and he fell face down, a second later realizing that he was hit.

"Now look at me, I've always been pro gun-control and I just shot someone in my own home."

"Tony! Da!"

"Shit."

* * *

Yrsa tried not to say a word as she tended to Loki's wounds.

He refused to let Bruce touch him and if he was going to be as stubborn as usual, she didn't have the time to worry about both him and her child.

Except for a wince or two Loki was equally silent, up until she tied up the bandages.

"You never told me."

She stood up and walked over to the sink, washing his blood from her hands.

"You were carrying my son and you never even told me."

"I had no idea" Yrsa wiped her hands before sitting back down on the metal chair in front of him. She tried hard not to look at his bared torso covered in scars that weren't previously there, focusing on his face instead. "I found out after our last conversation. As soon as I gave birth Thor took me here under the Allfather's orders."

"He knows me" Yrsa wanted to look away from his eyes because they were no longer full of anger or pain. There was warmth in them and the same love she saw when he looked at Sleipnir and she couldn't let him fool her. It wasn't okay to love him and he was making it hard not to.

"We don't know why" She knew it might anger him to hear the next words, but they needed to be said. "Tony suspects it might be some kind of a magical bond. But while he may know the word, he has no idea what it means."

"What's his name?"

Loki leaned closer to her his hair falling down, framing his face. He never grew it that long before.

"Jormungandr" Yrsa leaned back, trying to maintain some distance between them. "But we call him Jorm."

" _We_ " He sighed, his hand reaching to brush back her hair. She turned her head, biting her lip. "Is it Stark? Or the doctor?"

"Neither" Yrsa stood up, the air between them suddenly too heavy for her to breathe. "But Tony agreed to house me and they're both great with Jorm."

"Don't lie to me, Yrsa" She was about to retort that everything she said was true, but he brushed her cheek with his fingers, "If it's neither of them, then you're just trying to run away from your feelings for me."

"Yes" She agreed, feeling a sudden surge of bravery. She faced him, staring straight into his eyes. "Because my child isn't safe around you."

She stood up, leaving him frozen and speechless. She was about to walk out the door, when she looked over her shoulder at the man.

"You want to stay for dinner? I'm making lasagna."

Something inside Loki snapped and he fell forward, laughing.

"No, thank you" He stood up and took a hold of his torn shirt before magically mending it. "I've already eaten. I made lasagna for both me and Sleipnir."

Now it was her turn to stand immovable as the man put on his shirt and walked over to her.

"You're wrong" He stated, his voice clear and strong, but without a hint of malice. " _Both_ of my children are perfectly safe around me."

And with that he disappeared, leaving Yrsa alone in the cold, metallic lab.

She took a minute to compose herself, not wanting to face the two men upstairs. She walked over to the light switch wanting to flick it off when she stepped onto a piece of paper. Yrsa leaned down to pick it up and almost dropped it right away as she read its contents.

It was an address and a phone number, both written in an elegant script, with _Loki_ written in the corner.


End file.
